1 00:00:00,054 --> 00:00:03,054 My name is Andrew Jantz. 2 00:00:04,008 --> 00:00:07,101 I am married and I am a father. I made a career in the field... 3 00:00:08,066 --> 00:00:13,067 of publishing. My career It collapsed when I got sick. 4 00:00:16,052 --> 00:00:19,055 My name is Kiera Van Gelder, I'm 36 years old. 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,027 I started cutting myself and burn regularly... 6 00:00:24,227 --> 00:00:27,027 when I was 14 years old. 7 00:00:28,584 --> 00:00:31,464 Christina Knight, I'm 27 years old. 8 00:00:32,022 --> 00:00:35,999 During adolescence, I felt something was happening, 9 00:00:36,299 --> 00:00:38,870 especially in the last year of high school. 10 00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:42,070 I knew there was something with me, but I didn't know what. 11 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,716 And I tried to avoid it as much as I could. 12 00:00:50,056 --> 00:00:54,593 Back from the edge 13 00:00:54,874 --> 00:00:58,129 Living and dealing with the Borderline Personality 14 00:00:59,529 --> 00:01:04,601 Personality Disorder Borderline is a serious illness, 15 00:01:04,801 --> 00:01:08,403 that today we understand as a medical issue, 16 00:01:08,603 --> 00:01:12,624 which probably affects approximately 1% of the population. 17 00:01:12,824 --> 00:01:16,830 Symptoms of the disease can be divided into three groups: 18 00:01:17,030 --> 00:01:22,311 symptoms of emotional instability, symptoms of behavioral instability, 19 00:01:22,511 --> 00:01:25,323 and symptoms of interpersonal instability. 20 00:01:25,523 --> 00:01:27,817 People with personality borderline... 21 00:01:28,017 --> 00:01:30,083 feel emotions more intensely. 22 00:01:30,283 --> 00:01:33,940 If someone tells me something, I may have an extreme reaction... 23 00:01:34,140 --> 00:01:38,859 and, 2 minutes later, another totally different extreme reaction. 24 00:01:39,059 --> 00:01:42,835 This is constant, all day long, It's extremely tiring 25 00:01:43,035 --> 00:01:46,355 There is also a pattern of many interpersonal problems. 26 00:01:47,766 --> 00:01:49,666 They tend to be, on the one hand, 27 00:01:50,302 --> 00:01:54,006 very dependent and attached, but quickly... 28 00:01:54,042 --> 00:01:56,494 ...may become angry and defensive. 29 00:01:56,694 --> 00:02:00,042 The hardest part for I was when she acted... 30 00:02:00,242 --> 00:02:03,856 with behavior extremely angry. 31 00:02:04,056 --> 00:02:06,853 You can't have relationships interpersonal if you are not... 32 00:02:07,053 --> 00:02:12,078 emotionally stable. It's very difficult deal with someone who hates you in one day, 33 00:02:13,044 --> 00:02:16,274 likes you the next day, and loves you the third day. 34 00:02:19,474 --> 00:02:24,474 "People thought I I had everything I needed..." 35 00:02:25,022 --> 00:02:27,885 I grew up in several places. 36 00:02:28,085 --> 00:02:33,101 I lived in Europe until I was 6 years old, my father was in the Air Force, 37 00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:39,053 and me, my mother and my brother, in Holland and Italy, 38 00:02:41,009 --> 00:02:47,957 I had a lot of imagination. I loved arts, She was athletic and played a lot. 39 00:02:48,157 --> 00:02:55,106 When I graduated, publishing seemed like my natural path, 40 00:02:56,006 --> 00:03:01,049 because I loved books. So I started in publishing... 41 00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:02,869 I moved up the career ladder. 42 00:03:03,093 --> 00:03:08,102 I had a good wife, a good job and two beautiful children. 43 00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:11,093 I bought a house in a nice city. 44 00:03:11,293 --> 00:03:14,823 I had everything. One day I was raking leaves in the garden, 45 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:19,151 I was in my early thirties, I knew people thought: 46 00:03:20,051 --> 00:03:23,181 "This guy has everything!" And I knew it, 47 00:03:24,029 --> 00:03:26,109 and considered me a lucky guy. 48 00:03:26,781 --> 00:03:30,285 Many people close to or just acquaintances, I know... 49 00:03:30,485 --> 00:03:33,555 that they thought I I had everything I needed, 50 00:03:34,025 --> 00:03:38,030 that everything was perfect for me, because that's how I showed myself. 51 00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:43,112 I looked like someone who had everything and who... 52 00:03:44,012 --> 00:03:47,761 had control of everything, and knew what he wanted. 53 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,161 Until you are 16... 54 00:03:52,016 --> 00:03:55,666 everything was very normal. She was... 55 00:03:55,866 --> 00:03:59,184 involved in various sports, 56 00:03:59,384 --> 00:04:05,135 I was good at gymnastics and football, and I really liked school. 57 00:04:06,335 --> 00:04:11,111 On the outside, people thought I was very affable, outgoing, 58 00:04:12,011 --> 00:04:17,950 and pleasant. I was a good manager. Dealt well with people 59 00:04:19,068 --> 00:04:21,268 But inside me it was very different. 60 00:04:22,042 --> 00:04:25,042 And it started to get increasingly worse. 61 00:04:27,043 --> 00:04:32,562 When I was 6 years old, my parents got divorced, 62 00:04:32,949 --> 00:04:39,021 and we moved from Holland to Massachusetts. It was a small community, 63 00:04:39,669 --> 00:04:43,265 it was basically a street with a lot of people. 64 00:04:43,465 --> 00:04:47,062 One of the boys who looked after me and my brother... 65 00:04:48,007 --> 00:04:52,876 started to harass me. I remember I started to feel... 66 00:04:53,076 --> 00:04:57,945 as if I were always being watched, which made me uncomfortable... 67 00:04:58,539 --> 00:05:02,326 and anxious when I was in groups, especially if I knew... 68 00:05:02,526 --> 00:05:05,713 that he was going to be there. I didn't know how to deal... 69 00:05:06,013 --> 00:05:10,030 with the situation. I didn't tell anyone. 70 00:05:10,230 --> 00:05:17,052 I think that's where I started to be socially... 71 00:05:17,349 --> 00:05:20,349 more clumsy and more fearful. 72 00:05:21,439 --> 00:05:26,856 "I didn't know what I was supposed to be like..." 73 00:05:29,449 --> 00:05:32,249 There was a feeling of not knowing who I was, 74 00:05:32,449 --> 00:05:35,696 I think I've always been one character, a chameleon, 75 00:05:35,896 --> 00:05:39,143 I was always what others they expected me to go. 76 00:05:40,043 --> 00:05:44,962 In the morning, I felt as if was wearing a costume. 77 00:05:45,349 --> 00:05:46,509 Of my character. 78 00:05:46,969 --> 00:05:52,711 He put on the mask of the "confident manager", I went to work, 79 00:05:52,911 --> 00:05:58,654 the day passed, and I entered in my car in the garage, 80 00:05:58,899 --> 00:06:03,620 and I felt completely exhausted. 81 00:06:04,046 --> 00:06:07,121 I had spent all my energy to endure the day, 82 00:06:07,321 --> 00:06:10,410 I got home and didn't have nothing more for my family. 83 00:06:10,699 --> 00:06:14,219 I feel like I don't have a group with which I identify, 84 00:06:14,509 --> 00:06:17,969 I don't fit in with my family, I don't fit in as a student, 85 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,849 I don't feel like I belong... 86 00:06:20,139 --> 00:06:26,172 from any workplace, probably because I have no idea... 87 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,498 of who I am. 88 00:06:27,759 --> 00:06:33,783 To try to solve it, I started writing what my personality should be like. 89 00:06:33,999 --> 00:06:36,543 I wrote what kind of person I should be... 90 00:06:36,743 --> 00:06:39,795 so that people would like of me, and I could... 91 00:06:39,995 --> 00:06:42,631 belong to something. I started studying people... 92 00:06:42,831 --> 00:06:46,446 and wrote about my observations, 93 00:06:46,646 --> 00:06:51,061 and how to apply it to the way I should be, 94 00:06:51,261 --> 00:06:53,430 because I didn't know how to be. 95 00:06:55,379 --> 00:06:59,979 We can call Borderline Disorder "I don't fit in" disorder. 96 00:07:00,809 --> 00:07:04,009 In my opinion, they are the real outcasts. 97 00:07:05,084 --> 00:07:10,168 They often try to adapt to the that they think people expect from them. 98 00:07:11,068 --> 00:07:17,143 When we got married, he started following a script: 99 00:07:17,443 --> 00:07:21,619 would be a husband, a father, a house owner, I would follow the defined itinerary... 100 00:07:21,819 --> 00:07:25,000 and maybe that would make him happy. 101 00:07:25,719 --> 00:07:28,719 He followed the script and It didn't make him happy. 102 00:07:30,087 --> 00:07:34,089 That started to generate a lot of anger inside me, 103 00:07:36,007 --> 00:07:40,011 It was like it was rotting and eating me up inside, 104 00:07:40,974 --> 00:07:43,994 as if I were rusting inside. 105 00:07:51,618 --> 00:07:56,808 "you are my best friend forever..." 106 00:07:57,808 --> 00:08:01,353 I remember a time when I was... 107 00:08:01,853 --> 00:08:04,800 in the ninth year, I finally made a friend. 108 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:09,005 And we spent a lot of time together, and I was so happy... 109 00:08:09,205 --> 00:08:13,649 truly happy. My relationships with people tended to be so intense... 110 00:08:13,849 --> 00:08:17,930 that I really didn't know how to have casual friendships. 111 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:21,421 I was like, "Will you be mine best friend forever and ever!" 112 00:08:21,621 --> 00:08:23,991 Our friendship lasted about 6 or 8 months... 113 00:08:24,319 --> 00:08:28,340 and she lost a lot of weight and it changed a lot... 114 00:08:28,849 --> 00:08:33,256 began to develop socially and... 115 00:08:33,456 --> 00:08:37,864 hang out with nicer people and more beautiful, and I realized... 116 00:08:38,269 --> 00:08:42,260 that I was unable to accept what she had done. 117 00:08:46,001 --> 00:08:49,481 I ended up sending her one letter written in my blood. 118 00:08:49,992 --> 00:08:54,535 "I NEED YOU" 119 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:58,159 Write a letter with blood is a good example... 120 00:08:58,359 --> 00:09:01,139 how to communicate a desperate need... 121 00:09:01,339 --> 00:09:05,180 that would be very difficult for the other person to ignore. 122 00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:08,601 These people often they need others to regulate them. 123 00:09:08,801 --> 00:09:14,101 The relationships they form they often breathe life into them. 124 00:09:15,501 --> 00:09:20,279 If the person regulating it somehow intend to leave her, 125 00:09:21,179 --> 00:09:23,861 she can feel like a life or death case. 126 00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:26,688 Absences or separations in these relationships... 127 00:09:27,038 --> 00:09:30,038 are catastrophic and its meaning... 128 00:09:31,019 --> 00:09:34,019 It's something like: "I don't exist." 129 00:09:38,542 --> 00:09:42,386 "I hate you, don't leave me..." 130 00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:47,044 I think people with personality borderline don't know that... 131 00:09:47,262 --> 00:09:53,198 are being manipulative, but that's how it seems to the people who live with them. 132 00:09:54,698 --> 00:09:58,892 Sometimes for family members, It's like living "walking on eggshells". 133 00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:04,879 Sometimes live your life like you thinks it's normal, it's irritating for them, 134 00:10:05,079 --> 00:10:10,469 so you stop doing that, and then, feels as if that was their intention. 135 00:10:10,669 --> 00:10:13,635 People only see the emotional side. 136 00:10:13,835 --> 00:10:17,427 There is a phrase: "I hate you, never leave me..." 137 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:22,855 People don't see it as a condition doctor, but as someone difficult, 138 00:10:23,555 --> 00:10:25,496 dramatic, egocentric, 139 00:10:25,896 --> 00:10:29,830 and that people should know how to control it, 140 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,266 because it is not a disease. 141 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:37,458 Saying "manipulation" assumes that a person has the ability... 142 00:10:37,658 --> 00:10:41,236 of thinking and then executing a plan. 143 00:10:42,536 --> 00:10:46,262 In this sense, it cannot be applied to people with BPD, 144 00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:51,252 because they are instinctive reactions, trying desperately... 145 00:10:51,452 --> 00:10:54,779 feel safe and protected again. 146 00:10:55,015 --> 00:11:00,112 When I sent letters of blood for people, 147 00:11:01,012 --> 00:11:04,027 You may think this was trying to manipulate. 148 00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:09,486 On the other hand, You might say I had no idea... 149 00:11:09,686 --> 00:11:15,091 of what I was doing, I had no idea of how to make people... 150 00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:17,098 pay attention to me. 151 00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:19,337 "DON'T DO THIS TO ME" 152 00:11:19,537 --> 00:11:22,190 Manipulation is when you consciously try 153 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,121 for someone to do something for you 154 00:11:24,339 --> 00:11:27,363 without him knowing it. 155 00:11:27,579 --> 00:11:33,130 These individuals rarely have personal skills to induce you... 156 00:11:33,330 --> 00:11:36,013 subtly doing things for them. 157 00:11:37,813 --> 00:11:42,513 "It's very easy for me lose control..." 158 00:11:45,991 --> 00:11:50,514 I started to lose connection with my wife and children, 159 00:11:50,714 --> 00:11:54,250 I became less and less involved with them, 160 00:11:54,450 --> 00:11:55,750 very irritable, 161 00:11:55,950 --> 00:12:00,013 anger consumed me and appeared at the wrong times. 162 00:12:00,213 --> 00:12:03,875 I remember him talking with my sister on the phone, 163 00:12:04,075 --> 00:12:07,148 and something she he said made him furious. 164 00:12:07,348 --> 00:12:10,057 He slammed the phone and broke the glass table, 165 00:12:11,038 --> 00:12:13,298 and I was scared, thinking: my God! 166 00:12:14,032 --> 00:12:18,492 Another time, I remember being getting dressed for work, 167 00:12:18,692 --> 00:12:23,152 and a tiny thing left me angry. I think... 168 00:12:24,052 --> 00:12:27,851 I tried to take the suit off the hanger and it got stuck. I started to tear it up... 169 00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:34,057 and punching the closet door, physical aggression... 170 00:12:34,257 --> 00:12:38,125 not against someone, but against things. 171 00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:47,828 These people are emotionally more sensitive in their responses to situations. 172 00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:51,201 That is, they respond emotionally to very small things, 173 00:12:51,401 --> 00:12:53,562 when for you it would be I need something big. 174 00:12:53,662 --> 00:12:56,408 It's just a factor of emotional vulnerability. 175 00:12:56,608 --> 00:12:59,471 The second thing is that he don't just respond... 176 00:13:00,043 --> 00:13:04,117 to very small events, but they also respond very quickly. 177 00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:10,024 They say the borderline is like a burn victim... 178 00:13:10,087 --> 00:13:14,176 your skin is raw... 179 00:13:15,076 --> 00:13:20,137 and if you say or do something to them, they feel with such intensity... 180 00:13:21,037 --> 00:13:24,037 as if you poked someone... 181 00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:27,920 that he had no skin on his body. 182 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,837 It's very easy for me to get out of control, 183 00:13:31,037 --> 00:13:34,055 and it takes a while for me to calm down. 184 00:13:36,007 --> 00:13:38,851 There was a situation, I approached... 185 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:43,089 from a pen seller on the street, There were a lot of pens... 186 00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:45,309 all on the table and there was paper. 187 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:48,838 I wanted to test the pens and scratch the paper... 188 00:13:49,038 --> 00:13:51,793 but he didn't leave me Don't even touch the pens. 189 00:13:52,093 --> 00:13:55,516 I was furious, to the point where my boyfriend... 190 00:13:56,016 --> 00:13:59,430 pull me away, because I was so nervous... 191 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:03,045 and I couldn't understand why that there were pens and papers... 192 00:14:03,081 --> 00:14:06,877 on the table, if he didn't want people to touch it. 193 00:14:07,077 --> 00:14:12,120 I think it was embarrassing for her boyfriend... 194 00:14:13,002 --> 00:14:20,100 and she didn't seem to understand at the time, how much it was exaggerated, 195 00:14:21,018 --> 00:14:23,827 and how much that reaction it wasn't necessary. 196 00:14:24,027 --> 00:14:28,627 I got so angry, so quickly, that I totally lost control. 197 00:14:29,019 --> 00:14:33,471 I obsessed over it for days, and I told the story... 198 00:14:33,671 --> 00:14:38,124 for many people, just to prove that I was right... 199 00:14:39,024 --> 00:14:41,010 and I should be able to use the pens. 200 00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:45,045 Individuals who fit into the TPB criteria, in general, 201 00:14:45,645 --> 00:14:47,558 no matter how hard they try, 202 00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:50,168 Even with the best intentions, 203 00:14:50,368 --> 00:14:53,595 they simply cannot regulate themselves. 204 00:14:57,967 --> 00:15:02,162 "a constant level of intense fun..." 205 00:15:05,662 --> 00:15:09,547 I related to people based on... 206 00:15:10,031 --> 00:15:13,031 self-destructive behaviors, 207 00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:16,807 like getting high, or doing something dangerous, 208 00:15:18,207 --> 00:15:20,845 or get really drunk and dance with everyone... 209 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,515 and go to parties and have sex with very attractive people... 210 00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:28,011 but everything is very temporary, and I would never see them again. 211 00:15:28,038 --> 00:15:34,095 Christina often behaves of risk, whether using drugs, 212 00:15:34,295 --> 00:15:36,215 be driving at full speed. 213 00:15:37,026 --> 00:15:39,995 I know there were people who They were not good company. 214 00:15:40,195 --> 00:15:43,215 People who used drugs, I got to the point... 215 00:15:44,064 --> 00:15:47,304 to decide to also use only to accept me into the group. 216 00:15:48,024 --> 00:15:50,827 This is not necessarily the best thing to do. 217 00:15:51,027 --> 00:15:55,712 She also has eating problems, 218 00:15:55,912 --> 00:15:58,065 she had bulimia, 219 00:15:58,265 --> 00:16:01,575 and this is one behavior that can... 220 00:16:01,775 --> 00:16:04,401 pose a risk to life. 221 00:16:05,001 --> 00:16:11,040 This constant level of chaos and Intense fun is a way... 222 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:16,005 to take your mind off things painful feelings they are feeling. 223 00:16:18,006 --> 00:16:24,057 Many of the behaviors dysfunctional aspects of an individual... 224 00:16:25,011 --> 00:16:29,945 borderline, if you look at the behavior you will see... 225 00:16:30,145 --> 00:16:34,559 that it is highly effective to regulate your emotions. 226 00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:39,174 The problem is that this behavior regulates in the short term, 227 00:16:40,074 --> 00:16:43,092 rather than long term. That's the problem. 228 00:16:48,179 --> 00:16:52,787 "It was like a cigarette break..." 229 00:16:56,687 --> 00:17:00,674 I started cutting myself when I was 14. 230 00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:04,860 I fell in love with another student, 231 00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:08,092 I was rejected, and rejection... 232 00:17:09,082 --> 00:17:12,083 to my romantic passion... 233 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:15,237 It was very public. I felt very bad. 234 00:17:15,437 --> 00:17:18,849 I went to the bathroom during break carrying a thumbtack. 235 00:17:19,082 --> 00:17:22,046 And I started scratching my arm with the thumbtack. 236 00:17:22,246 --> 00:17:24,746 I remember once... 237 00:17:24,946 --> 00:17:31,136 I felt really bad because from a conversation with my father. 238 00:17:32,036 --> 00:17:36,050 I was full of rage, confused, I slammed the phone, 239 00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:38,817 I took a blade and I started cutting my wrists. 240 00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:43,513 When I cut myself, It's because the emotions were so intense... 241 00:17:43,713 --> 00:17:47,587 that I needed to escape them, and cause me physical pain... 242 00:17:47,787 --> 00:17:51,563 it was a relief, because I focused on the physical pain... 243 00:17:51,763 --> 00:17:54,303 and diverted attention from emotional pain. 244 00:17:54,503 --> 00:17:57,763 For me it was like a cigarette break. 245 00:17:58,063 --> 00:18:04,151 A way I found to deal with the feelings I had. 246 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,946 There's no doubt about that. 247 00:18:09,168 --> 00:18:15,162 Cutting and hurting yourself helps these people regulating their emotions. 248 00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:18,702 We don't know exactly why does this happen, 249 00:18:18,902 --> 00:18:21,329 and there is a lot of research on this. 250 00:18:21,577 --> 00:18:25,477 Self-destructive behaviors Borderlines certainly do... 251 00:18:26,051 --> 00:18:29,983 to ease feelings that they can't stand, 252 00:18:30,183 --> 00:18:34,115 often feelings that They can't even articulate it. 253 00:18:35,015 --> 00:18:38,560 There is a kind of gratification when I cut myself... 254 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,424 and saw the blood coming out. 255 00:18:40,624 --> 00:18:44,355 There is a satisfaction. I made 4, 5, 6 cuts on my wrist, 256 00:18:44,555 --> 00:18:48,286 and seeing the blood coming out was a feeling of relief. 257 00:18:48,677 --> 00:18:52,163 Then I was shaking with emotion, but I felt calm, 258 00:18:53,063 --> 00:18:56,988 and the emotional storm that I felt like I had slowed down. 259 00:18:57,188 --> 00:18:59,328 He came to me... 260 00:18:59,828 --> 00:19:02,328 and said "see..." 261 00:19:02,615 --> 00:19:05,495 with bloody arms. 262 00:19:05,795 --> 00:19:09,101 But he had this look like... 263 00:19:10,001 --> 00:19:11,905 Like he feels better now. 264 00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:15,662 From a practical point of view, It's a bad idea, 265 00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:17,810 because it never gets resolved... 266 00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:20,823 the original problem that generated the emotion. 267 00:19:21,023 --> 00:19:24,858 It's like taking drugs. It is a way of avoiding, dodging or escaping, 268 00:19:25,058 --> 00:19:29,081 but it is not a way of looking and try to resolve the situation. 269 00:19:30,083 --> 00:19:32,889 In the long term, there is no way to become a father or mother, 270 00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:38,093 there is no way to be successful, There's no way to be at work and say... 271 00:19:39,029 --> 00:19:41,844 Okay, I'll solve my problems. 272 00:19:42,044 --> 00:19:47,045 You will have to abandon meetings, leave your children with someone... 273 00:19:47,054 --> 00:19:49,848 How to live your life if This is your way of... 274 00:19:50,048 --> 00:19:52,954 solve problems? 275 00:19:53,154 --> 00:19:58,174 "I was a pile of wreckage of a human being..." 276 00:20:02,006 --> 00:20:05,635 As I was feeling more useless as a person, 277 00:20:05,835 --> 00:20:09,942 I started to think that people they would be better off without me, 278 00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,373 because I was falling apart. 279 00:20:12,573 --> 00:20:15,891 I was a pile of wreckage of a human being. 280 00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:19,192 So the only way out I saw was suicide. 281 00:20:20,349 --> 00:20:24,105 What was happening It's just that I couldn't... 282 00:20:24,305 --> 00:20:28,351 live with what I felt, and with the things around me. 283 00:20:28,551 --> 00:20:30,033 I felt helpless, 284 00:20:30,233 --> 00:20:33,081 I spent getting drinks from my parents, 285 00:20:33,281 --> 00:20:35,345 and drank from every bottle. 286 00:20:35,945 --> 00:20:41,492 I started thinking about it more and more. It was like a seed... 287 00:20:41,692 --> 00:20:48,140 that was growing, and suicide became a kind of passion. 288 00:20:49,004 --> 00:20:52,007 Suddenly I found myself listening to "Nine Inch Nails", 289 00:20:53,099 --> 00:20:56,369 "Smashing Pumpkins", "Pink Floyd", and dark things. 290 00:20:58,043 --> 00:21:02,078 "Descent Spiral", by "Nine Inch Nails" is an album... 291 00:21:02,278 --> 00:21:07,267 about someone self-destructing, and that really touched me. 292 00:21:08,003 --> 00:21:12,008 I walked almost every day with a bottle of whiskey in the backpack... 293 00:21:12,035 --> 00:21:14,889 and razor blades. I drank as much as I could handle, 294 00:21:15,089 --> 00:21:17,268 and went to the forest and cut myself, 295 00:21:17,468 --> 00:21:21,065 hoping that I could make the final cut. 296 00:21:21,265 --> 00:21:26,491 I started thinking about how to do it, more realistically. 297 00:21:26,691 --> 00:21:32,117 I imagined all the shapes. I walked over bridges and viaducts, 298 00:21:33,017 --> 00:21:34,836 I looked down and thought about jumping. 299 00:21:35,036 --> 00:21:37,228 I put a shotgun carried in the mouth, 300 00:21:37,428 --> 00:21:39,882 climbed onto a stool with a rope around his neck. 301 00:21:40,082 --> 00:21:43,103 I had several overdoses. 302 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:49,046 In seventh year, I was going to have a test math, and I panicked, 303 00:21:49,246 --> 00:21:54,113 I couldn't find my notes. That night, 304 00:21:55,007 --> 00:21:58,056 I opened my mother's drawers, 305 00:21:59,019 --> 00:22:03,467 she had some pills, So I grabbed a bottle... 306 00:22:03,667 --> 00:22:08,115 and I thought: "This is the end, I failed." But obviously... 307 00:22:09,015 --> 00:22:14,839 the pills weren't enough, I woke up in the morning... 308 00:22:15,039 --> 00:22:17,089 and I was disappointed. 309 00:22:18,189 --> 00:22:21,741 Going to work, I saw the subway arriving at the station, 310 00:22:21,941 --> 00:22:24,406 and thought about jumping in front of him. 311 00:22:25,206 --> 00:22:30,339 I even went to a subway station at night, and write a suicide note. 312 00:22:30,539 --> 00:22:33,010 I was in a suit, I left the office, 313 00:22:33,210 --> 00:22:35,881 and entered the Park Street station tunnel. 314 00:22:36,081 --> 00:22:40,578 I still remember seeing the darkness in front of me, 315 00:22:40,778 --> 00:22:43,808 I walk in the tunnel and see... 316 00:22:44,008 --> 00:22:47,825 my shadow growing ahead, as the subway approached from behind, 317 00:22:48,025 --> 00:22:51,857 and I was totally turned off. I wasn't afraid... 318 00:22:52,057 --> 00:22:58,129 nor sadness. It was completely off. And the train stopped, 319 00:22:59,029 --> 00:23:03,000 I turned around and started walking towards side of the train, out of the tunnel. 320 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:07,610 When I left, I went to a pay phone, I called emergency and said: 321 00:23:08,071 --> 00:23:12,371 I was walking on the subway tracks, I think I need to be admitted. 322 00:23:18,318 --> 00:23:24,626 Thinking about suicide or wanting to being dead is very common. 323 00:23:25,626 --> 00:23:32,107 Suicide attempts are very common. Death by suicide is very common. 324 00:23:33,007 --> 00:23:36,010 8 to 10% of people with BPD... 325 00:23:37,063 --> 00:23:38,291 end up committing suicide. 326 00:23:39,891 --> 00:23:45,423 Borderline patients are profoundly ambivalent about living or dying. 327 00:23:45,623 --> 00:23:49,380 If there is no one who say you want to have them alive, 328 00:23:49,580 --> 00:23:51,533 they soon consider dying. 329 00:23:56,301 --> 00:24:01,301 "I wanted an answer..." 330 00:24:03,868 --> 00:24:08,397 I had to drop out of the second semester. The following year, 331 00:24:08,597 --> 00:24:13,293 I tried to go back to school and I fell into depression again. 332 00:24:13,493 --> 00:24:19,662 I gave up again, but it was more serious, to the point where I had suicidal ideas. 333 00:24:19,862 --> 00:24:24,582 I was exhausted from feeling same as previous years. 334 00:24:24,782 --> 00:24:26,805 I wanted an answer. 335 00:24:27,005 --> 00:24:30,076 After taking a supplement, 336 00:24:30,276 --> 00:24:35,059 drop out of college, go back to college, 337 00:24:35,259 --> 00:24:41,393 finish college, specialize in Creative Writing, 338 00:24:41,593 --> 00:24:47,968 I started teaching, But I started to realize that my life... 339 00:24:48,168 --> 00:24:54,707 was really committed for my reactions to situations, 340 00:24:54,907 --> 00:25:00,813 to relationships, responsibilities, stress. 341 00:25:01,013 --> 00:25:04,888 She ended up in the psychiatric hospital, 342 00:25:05,088 --> 00:25:08,102 right after your master's degree. 343 00:25:09,002 --> 00:25:15,089 She had just achieved a goal, and then, everything collapsed. 344 00:25:15,289 --> 00:25:18,122 Everything collapsed. 345 00:25:19,022 --> 00:25:21,946 It was then that I saw... 346 00:25:22,146 --> 00:25:24,871 what could really happen to her. 347 00:25:25,071 --> 00:25:32,109 I arrived with a list huge number of complaints: 348 00:25:32,809 --> 00:25:34,448 I couldn't keep a job, 349 00:25:34,529 --> 00:25:38,857 did not tolerate relationships, because they were very painful, 350 00:25:39,057 --> 00:25:43,914 my emotional life was off of control, I cried a lot, 351 00:25:44,114 --> 00:25:48,971 everything stressed me out, I couldn't drive because I couldn't concentrate, 352 00:25:49,529 --> 00:25:52,846 I thought they were chasing me, 353 00:25:53,046 --> 00:25:56,221 I wanted to kill myself. 354 00:25:58,321 --> 00:26:01,062 My perceptions were distorted, 355 00:26:01,262 --> 00:26:05,542 I couldn't think clearly, I had no idea who I was. 356 00:26:05,759 --> 00:26:09,836 The team doctor who gave me treated came and told me: 357 00:26:10,529 --> 00:26:13,544 We think you're borderline. At the time I thought... 358 00:26:13,679 --> 00:26:18,327 which meant I was in border between sanity and madness, 359 00:26:18,527 --> 00:26:23,175 but he told me that wasn't it, and explained the criteria to me. 360 00:26:24,075 --> 00:26:29,204 Are you afraid of abandonment? 361 00:26:29,879 --> 00:26:33,881 You try desperately to avoid it at all costs? Yes, I said it. 362 00:26:33,899 --> 00:26:36,950 Do you find yourself emotionally unstable? 363 00:26:37,109 --> 00:26:40,580 Full of ups and downs? Sensitive to situations, to rejection? 364 00:26:40,703 --> 00:26:41,948 I said, oh my God, yes. 365 00:26:42,048 --> 00:26:45,996 And he checked the list, there were nine criteria... 366 00:26:46,196 --> 00:26:50,145 Stormy relationships? You idealize people and... 367 00:26:51,045 --> 00:26:55,765 When they disappoint you, you devalues? When you reached the ninth criterion: 368 00:26:56,039 --> 00:26:58,819 "You get paranoid when you are under stress?" 369 00:26:59,019 --> 00:27:04,748 And I answered: yes, I have it, yes, yes. 370 00:27:04,919 --> 00:27:08,945 So it was like: Phew, Is there anyone who knows what this is! 371 00:27:09,179 --> 00:27:11,228 People with this disorder... 372 00:27:11,669 --> 00:27:17,875 generally feel a great deal relief when diagnosed. 373 00:27:18,075 --> 00:27:22,214 It's like "looking in the mirror", this is a common term. 374 00:27:22,889 --> 00:27:26,009 Ah, so I am something. And that something is understandable. 375 00:27:26,759 --> 00:27:28,822 Can anyone understand me? 376 00:27:29,022 --> 00:27:31,910 If they understand me, maybe I can understand myself, 377 00:27:32,110 --> 00:27:33,794 maybe there are others like me. 378 00:27:33,929 --> 00:27:36,188 It means I'm not so alone. 379 00:27:36,388 --> 00:27:38,836 That I'm not the only one different from everyone else. 380 00:27:39,036 --> 00:27:42,399 I'm not a stranger everywhere. 381 00:27:42,599 --> 00:27:47,758 It's also a huge relief know that there is treatment. 382 00:27:48,045 --> 00:27:53,103 Personality Disorder Borderline is treatable. 383 00:27:54,003 --> 00:27:57,572 Patients can be helped and, 384 00:27:57,772 --> 00:28:01,026 with good therapeutic resources, 385 00:28:01,226 --> 00:28:03,185 they have a chance to improve. 386 00:28:03,419 --> 00:28:07,934 There are many suitable therapies to the borderline patient. 387 00:28:09,334 --> 00:28:13,299 individual psychotherapy, psychosocial psychotherapy, 388 00:28:13,499 --> 00:28:15,515 which include family members, 389 00:28:15,715 --> 00:28:18,971 group therapies, and there are medicines. 390 00:28:19,171 --> 00:28:21,385 Pharmacological treatment... 391 00:28:21,585 --> 00:28:25,096 is an auxiliary treatment, useful in many cases. 392 00:28:29,069 --> 00:28:31,824 "helps to deal with that emotional reaction..." 393 00:28:32,024 --> 00:28:37,082 There are few treatments based on evidence for borderline disorder 394 00:28:37,282 --> 00:28:39,110 currently. 395 00:28:40,001 --> 00:28:44,900 Dialectical Behavior Therapy (TCD) is probably... 396 00:28:45,100 --> 00:28:47,887 the treatment with the most results. 397 00:28:48,047 --> 00:28:53,078 Dialectical Behavior Therapy was designed specifically for people 398 00:28:53,278 --> 00:28:58,136 who self-harm and have suicidal impulses. 399 00:28:59,036 --> 00:29:02,996 It basically helps to deal with situations that arise... 400 00:29:03,196 --> 00:29:07,157 every day and provoke certain emotional reactions, 401 00:29:08,057 --> 00:29:12,888 she helps to find ways to stabilize. 402 00:29:13,088 --> 00:29:19,157 It's the fusion of trying to change something and, at the same time, 403 00:29:20,057 --> 00:29:23,057 radically accept it as it is. 404 00:29:24,014 --> 00:29:28,756 She encourages the person who is suffering... 405 00:29:28,956 --> 00:29:32,950 to go out and look at your own emotions, 406 00:29:33,150 --> 00:29:35,957 as a third person, 407 00:29:36,157 --> 00:29:39,283 rather than acting through them. 408 00:29:39,583 --> 00:29:43,763 The reason for calling it Therapy Behavioral Dialectic... 409 00:29:43,963 --> 00:29:46,724 is that the treatment is this synthesis... 410 00:29:46,924 --> 00:29:50,544 between the change in behavior and acceptance. 411 00:29:50,744 --> 00:29:54,601 The treatment was designed mainly from... 412 00:29:54,801 --> 00:29:58,287 from my own practice and experience in Zen. 413 00:29:58,587 --> 00:30:01,953 I literally felt like If people's eyes... 414 00:30:02,153 --> 00:30:04,693 had a physical effect on my body, 415 00:30:04,893 --> 00:30:07,723 my neck tingled and my heart squeezed, 416 00:30:07,923 --> 00:30:11,524 and I thought they were looking at me hostilely, 417 00:30:11,733 --> 00:30:14,704 The fact is that they are looking at me, 418 00:30:14,904 --> 00:30:19,034 but I can't guess what they are feeling or thinking. 419 00:30:19,434 --> 00:30:24,095 TCD helped me accept that I I feel this and interpret it this way, 420 00:30:24,295 --> 00:30:26,847 but it may not be necessarily reality. 421 00:30:27,047 --> 00:30:30,983 I like TCD, because there are things that I... 422 00:30:31,183 --> 00:30:35,120 I can work daily and that help me get through the day, 423 00:30:36,002 --> 00:30:40,576 there are exercises and things concrete things I can do. 424 00:30:41,294 --> 00:30:45,765 The last time I wanted desperately cut myself off, 425 00:30:45,965 --> 00:30:49,760 I used a technique I learned through TCD, 426 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,978 which is holding ice cubes in your hand. 427 00:30:54,399 --> 00:30:58,829 Do this when you want to try it physical pain as a way... 428 00:30:59,029 --> 00:31:03,091 to concentrate on something without having to get hurt, instead of saying: 429 00:31:03,649 --> 00:31:08,240 "I shouldn't feel this way" or "I need to change how I feel." 430 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,433 I learned to deal with what I feel more effectively. 431 00:31:12,649 --> 00:31:16,660 It is so effective that some customers, when they knew... 432 00:31:16,759 --> 00:31:20,836 that we were going to discuss something very intense, such as sexual abuse, 433 00:31:21,529 --> 00:31:23,089 or rape or something, 434 00:31:23,509 --> 00:31:27,514 went to the store to buy these packaged ice cubes, 435 00:31:28,009 --> 00:31:31,072 those you can refreeze, 436 00:31:31,639 --> 00:31:35,109 and when they had a session like that, they were already going with them to the office, 437 00:31:35,269 --> 00:31:38,269 and held them in their hands during the session. 438 00:31:43,012 --> 00:31:49,464 Other forms of treatment empirically validated include... 439 00:31:49,664 --> 00:31:56,116 Transference-Focused Psychotherapy, which is derived... 440 00:31:57,016 --> 00:32:02,053 of psychoanalytic treatment, and focuses on interpretation... 441 00:32:02,253 --> 00:32:07,090 and understanding the ways like the borderline patient... 442 00:32:07,290 --> 00:32:09,740 distorts your view of other people... 443 00:32:10,021 --> 00:32:11,047 and of themselves. 444 00:32:11,247 --> 00:32:17,686 It tries to integrate the patients' concept of "I", 445 00:32:17,886 --> 00:32:22,111 and the concept of "significant others". 446 00:32:23,011 --> 00:32:27,230 When I arrived at therapy, I started to open up and talk... 447 00:32:27,430 --> 00:32:30,191 about the things that bothered me, 448 00:32:30,391 --> 00:32:33,170 and what the therapist tried to do... 449 00:32:33,370 --> 00:32:39,701 was to dissect a particular incident, to find the triggers that caused it. 450 00:32:39,901 --> 00:32:43,050 I also participated in therapies group in hospitals, 451 00:32:43,059 --> 00:32:46,481 because all the barriers fell, 452 00:32:46,681 --> 00:32:50,804 and all the masks and things that destroy you in the outside world, the group... 453 00:32:51,004 --> 00:32:57,004 was open and honest, and everyone spoke very intimate and disturbing things. 454 00:32:57,204 --> 00:33:03,857 It is very important for patients and for the affected families... 455 00:33:04,057 --> 00:33:09,666 Borderline Personality Disorder, find well-informed doctors... 456 00:33:10,179 --> 00:33:16,044 and with experience in the subject, and want to treat it. Seek help... 457 00:33:16,244 --> 00:33:20,392 of people without these qualifications... 458 00:33:20,592 --> 00:33:23,819 can make the patient worse. 459 00:33:24,019 --> 00:33:28,789 You need to have the right professional and the right treatment. You can find... 460 00:33:29,014 --> 00:33:33,052 a fabulous professional, who doesn't know the treatment for this... 461 00:33:33,252 --> 00:33:34,542 specific condition. 462 00:33:35,002 --> 00:33:39,411 You can find a professional who You know the treatment, but with whom... 463 00:33:39,429 --> 00:33:44,589 the patient does not relate well. Neither it will work. You have to have both things. 464 00:33:47,042 --> 00:33:50,042 "there is indeed a reason for this..." 465 00:33:51,037 --> 00:33:55,011 When I was diagnosed, I thought it was all my fault and... 466 00:33:55,211 --> 00:33:59,185 that was something I owed be able to fix it on myself. 467 00:34:00,085 --> 00:34:04,117 But later, when I started go to lectures and learn... 468 00:34:05,017 --> 00:34:07,883 more about the disease, There were studies that said there was... 469 00:34:08,083 --> 00:34:13,090 biological and chemical reasons for this disease, which for me was... 470 00:34:14,053 --> 00:34:18,151 a great relief, because I saw that there was a cause for it. 471 00:34:19,051 --> 00:34:23,053 It wasn't me who couldn't cope well with the situations, 472 00:34:23,071 --> 00:34:25,221 or that I wasn't trying hard enough. 473 00:34:25,421 --> 00:34:28,459 There were problems chemicals in my brain. 474 00:34:28,902 --> 00:34:37,026 Borderline Disorder for sure has a biological predisposition. 475 00:34:37,626 --> 00:34:39,893 Whether or not to develop the disorder... 476 00:34:40,093 --> 00:34:44,308 depends on the environment. In this sense, It's no different from diabetes... 477 00:34:44,508 --> 00:34:47,362 or high blood pressure, in traditional medicine. 478 00:34:47,562 --> 00:34:50,462 See the interaction with another person, for example. 479 00:34:51,114 --> 00:34:52,984 We are sitting and talking. 480 00:34:53,583 --> 00:34:56,158 I see your face. Well, in the brain... 481 00:34:57,058 --> 00:35:02,469 there are two ways. One goes directly to the visual cortex, which shows me... 482 00:35:02,669 --> 00:35:08,080 the image of your face, so I have a mental image of him. But there is another way... 483 00:35:09,016 --> 00:35:13,321 that goes to the limbic system, in particular the amygdala, 484 00:35:13,566 --> 00:35:19,034 so I can evaluate the emotional impact of your face. 485 00:35:19,234 --> 00:35:23,623 The two are integrated in my assessment, 486 00:35:23,823 --> 00:35:26,884 and affect my behavior in relation to you. 487 00:35:28,484 --> 00:35:31,852 An interesting discovery is that the amygdala, the area of the brain... 488 00:35:32,052 --> 00:35:36,144 that signals danger and fear, in borderline patients... 489 00:35:37,044 --> 00:35:40,010 seems to overreact. 490 00:35:41,510 --> 00:35:46,143 Thus, a face to which a non-borderline person... 491 00:35:47,043 --> 00:35:50,077 would react neutrally, 492 00:35:50,277 --> 00:35:55,080 a borderline may see it as threatening. 493 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,081 When we ask patients, 494 00:35:58,281 --> 00:36:03,033 they say they feel people such as angry, critical, 495 00:36:03,233 --> 00:36:04,673 and hostile towards them, 496 00:36:05,001 --> 00:36:09,060 when in fact, often That's not what people intend. 497 00:36:11,092 --> 00:36:16,521 While the amygdala, the region that signals danger, is more active.. 498 00:36:17,349 --> 00:36:19,350 in borderline patients, 499 00:36:19,359 --> 00:36:24,250 the prefrontal cortex, region responsible for... 500 00:36:24,450 --> 00:36:26,089 higher order thinking, 501 00:36:26,289 --> 00:36:32,295 which can inhibit the response to this alarm signal, 502 00:36:32,349 --> 00:36:34,440 appears to be under-activated. 503 00:36:35,259 --> 00:36:39,357 I'm not surprised that the brain of people is different, 504 00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:48,273 that Andrew may have a hyper-sensitivity to things... 505 00:36:48,579 --> 00:36:50,625 that generate emotional reactions. 506 00:36:51,039 --> 00:36:56,055 I think in the last 10 years, understanding better... 507 00:36:56,199 --> 00:37:00,216 the physical components of mental illness, people can think better of her... 508 00:37:00,369 --> 00:37:05,394 as a disease, instead of seeing someone with emotional problems, 509 00:37:05,619 --> 00:37:09,059 or unable to cope with life, a misfit, that sort of thing. 510 00:37:09,579 --> 00:37:16,581 Though we're just getting started, like Columbus leaving port, 511 00:37:16,779 --> 00:37:21,837 we begin to understand some of the neural circuits involved in several... 512 00:37:22,359 --> 00:37:25,359 aspects of this deregulation. 513 00:37:29,653 --> 00:37:34,692 "If I only knew..." 514 00:37:36,392 --> 00:37:42,439 I can say that BPD can create hell in families. 515 00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:49,851 Having a borderline person in the family can be devastating. 516 00:37:50,051 --> 00:37:55,103 There's something in the nature of this disease and in its symptoms, which can... 517 00:37:56,003 --> 00:38:02,423 induce in families, and even in clinicians trained, answers that don't help. 518 00:38:02,623 --> 00:38:07,247 In my experience, the most common of people who live together... 519 00:38:07,447 --> 00:38:12,071 with a person with BPD, try... 520 00:38:12,271 --> 00:38:13,791 Format your answers. 521 00:38:14,063 --> 00:38:19,118 If I knew TPB when she was a teenager, 522 00:38:20,018 --> 00:38:24,819 I would be more attentive to the fact that she reacted... 523 00:38:25,019 --> 00:38:30,095 very quickly to the things with which She didn't agree. It seemed to us... 524 00:38:30,295 --> 00:38:36,098 an exaggerated reaction, followed by an inability to pull herself together. 525 00:38:37,094 --> 00:38:42,110 That was a big sign that I didn't notice, because... 526 00:38:43,001 --> 00:38:47,162 I didn't understand that I could be a mental illness. 527 00:38:48,501 --> 00:38:51,654 They know that the person is passionate, but they don't know why. 528 00:38:51,854 --> 00:38:54,914 And they don't have the understanding fundamental that the person... 529 00:38:55,114 --> 00:38:56,802 is doing the best he can. 530 00:38:57,002 --> 00:39:01,064 It's important for me to express all the emotions I'm feeling. 531 00:39:01,082 --> 00:39:05,150 If I don't do this, I obsess, I criticize myself, 532 00:39:06,005 --> 00:39:11,042 I think about every interaction that I had with each person, 533 00:39:11,087 --> 00:39:14,617 and I go crazy thinking: Did I do this wrong? 534 00:39:15,059 --> 00:39:18,110 Will this person Do you like me or not? 535 00:39:18,510 --> 00:39:20,262 The tragedy for these individuals... 536 00:39:20,462 --> 00:39:22,714 is that they say: "I can't control it", 537 00:39:22,914 --> 00:39:24,798 and the others say: "yes, you can do it" 538 00:39:24,998 --> 00:39:26,737 then they start to feel worse, 539 00:39:26,937 --> 00:39:29,587 thinking they can do it, but they just don't want to. 540 00:39:29,787 --> 00:39:34,091 What really helped me was when I realized it wasn't me, 541 00:39:35,027 --> 00:39:40,094 was not necessarily with me that she was mad, 542 00:39:40,294 --> 00:39:45,191 I was there as someone for whom she could express this anger, 543 00:39:46,091 --> 00:39:47,831 anger at something else. 544 00:39:48,046 --> 00:39:54,121 Maybe you remember Gallagher, the comedian. 545 00:39:55,021 --> 00:40:00,420 He crushed watermelons, and the people in front of the audience... 546 00:40:00,609 --> 00:40:05,752 they put on raincoats, so they don't end up full of... 547 00:40:05,952 --> 00:40:11,095 watermelon splash. So it's more Or less like I was... 548 00:40:12,058 --> 00:40:15,854 in the front row, with Gallagher about to crush the watermelons. 549 00:40:16,054 --> 00:40:18,990 She knows I need to vent, and there's nothing wrong with that, 550 00:40:19,190 --> 00:40:22,126 she doesn't need to help me understand anything, 551 00:40:23,026 --> 00:40:25,844 I just need to vent and afterwards I feel much better. 552 00:40:26,044 --> 00:40:31,461 We teach to families, that when a child... 553 00:40:31,661 --> 00:40:37,078 or another family member has an excessively angry reaction, 554 00:40:37,278 --> 00:40:42,094 who must listen carefully, look for what is real in the complaint, 555 00:40:42,294 --> 00:40:45,166 and validating the part that makes sense, 556 00:40:46,066 --> 00:40:51,015 it will calm the person. Solve the part that is excessive and... 557 00:40:51,609 --> 00:40:55,856 inappropriate can and should be done only when... 558 00:40:56,056 --> 00:40:57,826 the borderline person is calm. 559 00:40:58,026 --> 00:41:00,824 When you have a child with this disorder, 560 00:41:01,024 --> 00:41:05,101 It's not something you talk about at a party, 561 00:41:06,001 --> 00:41:07,838 It's not usually talked about. 562 00:41:08,038 --> 00:41:11,488 Therefore, the family goes to a support group, It's an incredible process... 563 00:41:11,688 --> 00:41:15,348 what happens to them, because they feel like someone understands them... 564 00:41:16,039 --> 00:41:18,245 and understand what they go through. 565 00:41:18,445 --> 00:41:20,967 BPD is a disorder in... 566 00:41:21,167 --> 00:41:26,095 relationships, and recovering is being able to attend... 567 00:41:27,022 --> 00:41:30,352 communities, have relationships and tolerate distress, 568 00:41:31,006 --> 00:41:34,006 build a life again. 569 00:41:39,269 --> 00:41:45,019 "the first 'no' It shouldn't be the final word..." 570 00:41:47,003 --> 00:41:52,049 I discovered that the insurance I wanted to accept the TPB... 571 00:41:52,076 --> 00:42:00,113 as the first diagnosis. Sometimes it is I need to have a different diagnosis, 572 00:42:01,013 --> 00:42:09,065 an Axis I diagnosis, such as Bipolar, for insurance to accept. 573 00:42:09,265 --> 00:42:15,891 Unfortunately, the family has to join forces to face... 574 00:42:16,091 --> 00:42:21,167 insurance companies, when they improperly deny coverage... 575 00:42:22,067 --> 00:42:25,085 for this indisputable medical condition. 576 00:42:26,039 --> 00:42:30,292 There is an attempt to use treatments quickly for these patients. 577 00:42:31,067 --> 00:42:35,797 This is an illusion. These patients need long-term treatment. 578 00:42:36,023 --> 00:42:42,068 Families are important knowing that the first 'no'... 579 00:42:42,268 --> 00:42:46,070 of health insurance should be the final word. 580 00:42:47,063 --> 00:42:51,819 The most important thing in Borderline Disorder It's just that you can't decide not to treat it. 581 00:42:52,019 --> 00:42:54,986 Health plans must face this reality, 582 00:42:55,186 --> 00:42:58,854 say "we don't cover treatment" Doesn't mean they don't cover it. 583 00:42:59,054 --> 00:43:00,876 They cover the treatment. 584 00:43:01,076 --> 00:43:04,821 Someone will pay. Because when not treated, these patients will end up... 585 00:43:05,021 --> 00:43:09,138 in emergency care and no one can expel them. When they arrive at the emergency room, 586 00:43:09,338 --> 00:43:16,055 have to be hospitalized, which is extremely expensive. 587 00:43:17,017 --> 00:43:21,517 "Everything will be much better..." 588 00:43:22,443 --> 00:43:24,905 When the family calls me for the first time, 589 00:43:25,105 --> 00:43:27,455 the first thing that I give them hope. 590 00:43:27,655 --> 00:43:31,269 I want you to know that people with this disorder recover. 591 00:43:31,469 --> 00:43:35,071 For someone with a relative newly diagnosed, 592 00:43:36,017 --> 00:43:40,803 I would say they should participate in therapy, 593 00:43:41,003 --> 00:43:44,399 try to understand what is happening and what to expect, 594 00:43:44,599 --> 00:43:50,847 that they have a long way, but the more they understand, the better. 595 00:43:51,047 --> 00:43:56,099 BPD is called a diagnosis with good prognosis. That's because... 596 00:43:56,299 --> 00:43:57,852 people really get better. 597 00:43:58,052 --> 00:44:02,141 People recover, and guide their lives effectively, 598 00:44:03,041 --> 00:44:05,427 They have children, they have careers... 599 00:44:05,627 --> 00:44:07,771 People with this disorder... 600 00:44:08,279 --> 00:44:12,580 have a remission, which means that your illness is very reduced... 601 00:44:12,589 --> 00:44:18,000 within a few years. When this happens, relapses are rare. 602 00:44:18,559 --> 00:44:22,564 Emotionality, the tendency to react quickly, probably... 603 00:44:22,609 --> 00:44:29,100 will remain, but it can develop the ability to self-regulate. 604 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:35,791 The reward is that, instead of having a series of interactions... 605 00:44:35,809 --> 00:44:41,863 intense and volatile with people, you It will probably go through a period... 606 00:44:42,349 --> 00:44:45,132 where it seems like no one is around. 607 00:44:45,332 --> 00:44:47,857 Then things start to organize. 608 00:44:48,057 --> 00:44:53,103 I developed a vocabulary to tell people people: "I felt bad about it", 609 00:44:54,003 --> 00:45:00,021 or "I'm having a borderline moment, I think you're rejecting me." 610 00:45:01,071 --> 00:45:05,154 when you have the diagnosis and a vocabulary to describe... 611 00:45:06,054 --> 00:45:10,056 interpersonal dynamics, things that previously destroyed relationships become... 612 00:45:10,256 --> 00:45:13,816 opportunities to build a new level of communication. 613 00:45:15,081 --> 00:45:22,880 I think what really It helped me to know... 614 00:45:23,609 --> 00:45:28,813 that loving my daughter is more important You have to be right all the time. 615 00:45:29,013 --> 00:45:34,494 That the relationship is the most important to me. That if I insist, 616 00:45:34,694 --> 00:45:40,176 and learn to see from the perspective of someone else, it's worth insisting, 617 00:45:41,076 --> 00:45:44,118 That we have a great relationship, 618 00:45:46,109 --> 00:45:48,829 despite the ups and downs. 619 00:45:49,029 --> 00:45:55,029 I also learned that living with a borderline can be a rollercoaster, 620 00:45:55,229 --> 00:45:57,865 and I don't always have to board. 621 00:45:58,065 --> 00:46:03,147 Families should remember that the Most people with this disease... 622 00:46:04,047 --> 00:46:09,363 recovers. In some cases, this takes time. 623 00:46:12,063 --> 00:46:17,198 It's not a sprint race, but resistance. 624 00:46:17,485 --> 00:46:20,626 There is a crucial element that I think it's very important, 625 00:46:20,826 --> 00:46:22,809 which is the willingness to face... 626 00:46:23,052 --> 00:46:27,895 what is happening. And if you face it, and have help, 627 00:46:28,695 --> 00:46:31,807 things will improve a lot. I look back now and see... 628 00:46:32,007 --> 00:46:35,984 that I'm much better today than when I tried to do everything on my own, 629 00:46:36,184 --> 00:46:40,161 but you need to have a huge trust in the people around you, 630 00:46:41,061 --> 00:46:45,069 to admit to having something that is so stigmatized, and put yourself... 631 00:46:46,041 --> 00:46:49,041 in their hands and say: Please help me. 632 00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:04,157 The BPD Resource Center in New York Presbyterian Hospital 633 00:47:04,357 --> 00:47:06,669 helps individuals and families, 634 00:47:06,869 --> 00:47:12,400 providing reliable information about the disorder and its treatment. 635 00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,340 CRITERIA FOR BORDERLINE DISORDER 636 00:47:15,540 --> 00:47:17,807 Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment 637 00:47:18,007 --> 00:47:20,328 Intense and unstable interpersonal relationships 638 00:47:20,528 --> 00:47:22,620 Unstable self-image or sense of "self" 639 00:47:22,820 --> 00:47:25,223 Potentially self-destructive impulsivity 640 00:47:25,423 --> 00:47:28,700 Suicidal behavior, gestures or threats, or self-harm 641 00:47:28,900 --> 00:47:31,616 Unstable mood Chronic feelings of emptiness 642 00:47:31,816 --> 00:47:35,665 Intense or inappropriate anger, difficulty controlling anger 643 00:47:35,865 --> 00:47:39,900 Temporary severe paranoia or dissociation, related to stress. 644 00:47:40,100 --> 00:47:46,100 Subtitles: Alexandre Pedrassoli